Buhtt sex?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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