who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
being pregnant is like rehab
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
