oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
