I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
