My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
