I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
