we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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