I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
