I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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