yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
