Porn is love you can see.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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