I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
