well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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