oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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