She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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