great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Are we still banned from the library?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
