i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
