I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
