i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
