I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
