do herpes really smell.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
