i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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