I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
