neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
