I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
