i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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