She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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