sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
you inspire me to be a worse person
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
