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At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
