your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
