i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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