We won't sleep together?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
