So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It's official drugs can't kill me
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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