What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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