I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
