Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
did i walk over a car last night?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
