you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
