Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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