the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
