And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
