Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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