Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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