I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
