I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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