my vag is so smooth its legendary
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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