I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
