I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
