I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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