If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
