she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
