you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
