brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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