MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
