It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
