you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
