I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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