i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
