Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
