can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You dont lie about slip and slides
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
