Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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