I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
