Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
