you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
